insomnia.

12:12 AM. i did it again.
i feel like i'm under a huge amount of water.
and i can't swim.
i'm just being swept along.
forced under the current.

it's a physical fear. i can't fix this.
not now. i can't do it.
now i'm just waiting.
for courage.
for the right moment.
for the right person.

but i know it won't happen.
i can't deal with it.
i'm too scared.
i'm too scarred.